When Words Fade, Love Remains: A Family Guide to Dementia Visits

One of the hardest moments in a person’s life, is inarguably, the moment you turn to face your loved one, and for the first time, they stare back at you in utter confusion – disoriented, scared, and unaware of who you are. And you simply respond, “It’s me, Mum.”

There’s something so delicate about visiting a loved one who’s living with dementia. You bring your memories, your love, your history – and each time, they return a different version of themselves. But there’s one thing that remains unchanged: Your love.

Treading such an unclear path is never easy, in fact – it can be emotionally draining, can leave you feeling displaced and even, at a loss for words. Then there are the heartfelt moments containing gentle exchanges of endearment; a gentle stroke of the cheek, or simply the soft touch of holding hands. In these precious snapshots, it’s the little gestures that make each other’s world feel complete again – even if it’s just for a fleeting moment.

Whether it’s your mum, your grandfather, a partner, or a dear friend, spending time with someone who has dementia, is far more than merely being there. Instead, it’s about learning to meet them where they are, even when that place keeps shifting.

This guide isn’t about doing things perfectly. It’s about showing up with understanding, and being able to care in a way that brings dignity, calm, and connection, regardless of the stage your loved one’s currently at.

Understanding Dementia (and Why It’s So Personal)

In 2025, more than 1.7 million Australians are caring for someone living with dementia – a powerful reminder of just how many lives this condition touches.

You may not know, today marks the final day of World Alzheimer’s Month, and here at CareAbout, it’s been deeply important to our team to continue raising awareness. Because Dementia isn’t a single disease.

‘Dementia’ is an umbrella term for the collection of conditions that affect the brain – Alzheimer’s disease, Vascular dementia, Lewy body dementia, Frontotemporal dementia (FTD), and the list goes on. While Alzheimer’s disease is the most common type of dementia, each of these diseases affect memory, thinking, and communication, but in different ways.

Regardless of its form, the impact is always deeply personal – for the person diagnosed and everyone around them. If you’re reading this, chances are you’ve felt that shift: the moment your mum forgets your name, or your dad no longer recognises his own living room. It’s jarring. And it’s okay to feel a mix of grief, guilt, and helplessness. But here’s a quiet comfort: Your visits still count.

Why Visit If They Don’t Remember Me?

We understand, some visits can be harder than others, and while a seemingly insensitive or harsh question to ask, it’s completely valid to feel this way at some point.

But the answer is: Because deep connection doesn’t need a name tag. They may not say “Hi, sweetheart” anymore, but they might light up when you walk into the room.

They might not remember your visit, but they will remember the feeling. You become a source of peace, a familiar rhythm in an unfamiliar world… and that, is incredibly powerful.

Before You Go: How to Set Yourself Up for a Better Visit

Visiting someone with dementia can sometimes feel like walking into a different era – one, where logic isn’t king and instead, the heart does most of the talking. Here’s how to make the most of your dementia visits:

• Leave your need for recognition at the door: It’s not about being remembered. It’s about being there for the person who needs you most.
• Bring pieces of the past: Photos, favourite snacks, soft scarves, or old tunes can spark surprising moments.
• Choose your moment with intention: Seeing your loved one at the time of day when they’re most alert, whether that’s early in the morning or at noon, can make all the difference to the quality of your visits.

And before you walk in, take a moment. Breathe. Let go of expectations. Let love take the lead.

Activities That Can Spark Joy and Connection

It’s easy to feel unsure about how to fill time during a visit. But there are many gentle, engaging activities that you can enjoy together – some nostalgic, others soothing, or simply fun. Here are a few ideas:

• Reading together: Short stories, poetry, or even old newspapers can bring back memories or spark conversation, while a wonderful shared activity to complete at ease.
• Simple crosswords or word searches: Choose ones with large print and fewer clues, even just circling words can feel rewarding. In our small way of raising awareness (#AskAboutDementia, #AskAbout Alzheimers), we’ve launched a weekly crossword challenge for you and your loved ones – simply visit here to play.
• Play music: Sing old songs, share familiar tunes, or even hum quietly together. Music is beautifully powerful, and it can actually access those special parts of the brain that are untouched by dementia.
• Look through old photo albums: Skip explanations and let the images speak, because watching their face for signs of recognition or emotion, is truly precious.
• Gently art and craft: Folding paper, stringing beads, or colouring, for example, can be both calming and creative, while known to alleviate stress.
• Reminisce through old boxes: Fill a box with items from their past – an old brooch, a football badge, a toy car, or any other object of perceived monumental value, and gently present each item; there’s no telling which object will start a story – and that’s the beautiful thing.

Remember, you don’t need to stick to a plan. Be kind to yourself, and let the moment guide you. What matters most, is that you’re here – and you’re sharing this moment together.

What If They Get Upset or Confused?

Even when you hear, “You’re not my daughter,” or “I need to catch the bus,” even if they haven’t caught a bus in years – it’s best to take a breather, stay calm, and adjust to their level of perception. They’re not trying to be difficult – they’re simply doing their best to navigate a world that no longer makes sense.

In these moments:

• Resist the urge to be correct: This is one of the rare situations in life where being right really doesn’t matter. Instead, comforting your loved one who’s dealing with dementia, matters more than being correct, which brings us to…
• Go with the flow: As they say, in life, the waves never stop – you just learn how to surf. So, when they’re worried about missing work (and you know they don’t have a job), simply offer to call-in sick for them. Making arrangements to put their mind at ease (even when they don’t always make sense), will help them to get on with their day without feeling aggravated or stressed.
• Take care of you: If it gets overwhelming, step out for a breather. This situation is hard on you, you’re allowed to feel whatever you need to feel – sometimes taking a small step outside when needed, can help you to safely return to how you’re feeling on the inside.

When Your Loved One Still Lives at Home: What Help Is Available?

Caring for someone with dementia at home can feel like trying to piece together a puzzle that keeps changing – it’s exhausting, emotional, and relentless. But please know this: You don’t have to do it all by yourself – there is help available.

Australia’s Support at Home program, commencing November 1, 2025, is here to help older Australians nationwide, with extensive assistance available for:

• Clinical care: Nursing or allied health, delivered at home.
• Everyday support: Showering, cleaning, and meal preparation.
• Assistive technology: And smart, memory-friendly home modifications.
• Respite options: To help you breathe better.
• And much more.

To see the full list of extensive services available, please see our in-depth guide to Support at Home here.

If you’re yet to commence your aged care journey, simply call My Aged Care on 1800 200 422, or reach out to Older Persons Advocacy Network (OPAN) for advocacy and help finding support at 1800 700 600.

CareAbout: Your Trusted Guide in Simplifying the Aged Care Journey

If you’ve successfully been approved for a Home Care Package (HCP), are currently navigating the complexities and frustrations of the waitlist, or are looking to switch Home Care Providers because something doesn’t feel right – you’re not alone in this journey. We’re here to help turn your funding into the quality care you deserve.

When you trust us to CareAbout yourself and your loved ones, we’re dedicated to empowering you throughout every step of the way. We provide free, invaluable, unbiased support Australia-wide:

• Choose From A Panel of Handpicked Quality Providers: With more than 900+ providers across Australia, we do the heavy lifting for you. We 1:1 match you with the top provider (from our handpicked panel of quality providers) for your unique situation based on your personal needs and preferences. Here, we offer you an expert-led recommendation though ultimately, the decision is only yours to make.
• Vetting for Quality & Compliance: We take the guesswork out of choosing a provider by assessing them against stringent quality and compliance standards, giving you peace of mind – learn more about Who We Work With (and how we do this).
• Personalised Matching: Our expert team takes the time to understand your unique needs, preferences, and location to connect you with a provider that is the perfect fit.
• Streamlining the Process: We alleviate the administrative burden, helping you understand package funds, fees, and service agreements.

Contact CareAbout today at 13 13 00 (Freecall) to take the first confident and informed step toward securing the right aged care for you.