Starting the conversation about in-home aged care

It’s stressful when you start noticing changes in a loved one’s behaviour, isn’t it? You might find yourself increasingly worried about their health and safety. Maybe it’s something like Mum forgetting to take her medication or Dad missing meals.

It’s completely normal to feel a mix of concern and anxiety. You want to ensure they’re safe and well cared for, while also supporting them to be independent for as long as possible.

But how do you broach the topic? It’s a delicate conversation that often brings up resistance, emotions and even guilt. But starting the conversation sooner rather than later is essential.

Here’s a simple guide to approach this important talk with empathy, respect and a clear plan.

Before the conversation

Look for signs they need help

Before you raise the subject of aged care, look for signs that your loved one might need extra help. These indicators can help you approach the conversation with specific concerns:

• Physical changes: Difficulty walking, noticeable weight loss or bruises from falls.
• Cognitive struggles: Memory lapses, confusion or missed appointments.
• Neglected home upkeep: Dirty spaces, unpaid bills piling up or expired food in the fridge.
• Social withdrawal: Lack of interest in activities they once loved or avoiding friends and family.
• Personal hygiene issues: Unwashed clothes, infrequent bathing or a general decline in grooming.

Do your homework

Before you dive into the conversation, it helps to understand home care and what services are available. Having this knowledge will give you a solid foundation for the discussion and help answer any questions that pop up.

Pick your moment

Timing is everything. Avoid raising the subject during a rushed visit or when tensions are already high. Instead, pick a quiet, relaxed moment when you can have their full attention – maybe over a cup of tea or during a peaceful afternoon at home.

When it’s time to talk

Frame the conversation

Focus on your loved one’s needs and preferences rather than your concerns. For example:

• Instead of: “You’re not safe living on your own anymore.”
• Try: “I want to make sure you feel as comfortable and safe as possible at home. What would help you feel that way?”

Acknowledge their independence

No one wants to feel like they’re losing control over their life. Make it clear that you’re not trying to take over, but rather to find ways to support them in staying independent for as long as possible.

Keep it real

If you’ve noticed specific issues, bring them up gently. For instance, mention the time they missed a doctor’s appointment or struggled to carry groceries. Concrete examples make the conversation feel grounded in reality rather than hypothetical.

Be patient

It’s natural for your loved one to feel defensive or even dismissive at first. Change is hard, and acknowledging the need for help can be a blow to their pride. Give them time to process the idea, and don’t expect to resolve everything in one conversation.

Stay positive

To ensure the discussion remains constructive:

• Listen more than you talk: Let them express their feelings and fears.
• Use “we” language: Emphasise that you’re in this together.
• Bring in a trusted third party: Sometimes hearing advice from a family doctor or a close family friend can be more effective than hearing it from you.
• Focus on the benefits: Highlight how home care can make their life easier – like help with cleaning, meal prep or social activities.
• Be clear about the goal: This is about enhancing their quality of life, not limiting it.

Managing resistance

Provide reassurance

If you’ve already researched home care options, you’ll be in a good position to address concerns and present solutions. For example, you could address worry about the cost of home care by explaining the government subsidies that are available. Or offset concerns about having strangers in the home with information about the rigorous vetting process used by home care providers.

Take it slow

Don’t try to overhaul everything at once. Start small, like suggesting they trial a cleaning service or have someone help with gardening.

Give them a say

Give your loved one as much say as possible. Whether it’s choosing a provider, picking a service or deciding when to start, their involvement will help them feel in control.

Moving forward

Home care is a very personal thing and everyone’s needs and preferences are different, so it’s vital to find a provider that your loved one is comfortable with. However, it can be a lot of grunt work trawling through the many options out there.

That’s where CareAbout can help! We take the time to learn absolutely everything about what you’re looking for and then we match your loved one with a provider that will meet their needs.

It’s a free service that will save you hours of time and energy. And the peace of mind you’ll feel is priceless.

So, get in touch to secure the very best care you can for your loved one.